Yellow Dog/Bleeding Heart

Muller, Good Dog and me at the pony pasture late 80s It's official: I have become alarmingly withdrawn from social contact. Not really a good place for an ex-agoraphobic to be, but at least this time my withdrawal is due to actual choice, rather than fucked up devastating biological disorder. This school stuff has truly taken over my life! Ack! But I am already digressing ... Today my best friend in the whole world called me at work to check on me and see if I was okay. It'll take a bit of background to understand why this was such a significant gesture. Muller and I have been buds since we were 16 year old punk rockers hanging out at underground clubs. I don't even remember how we met. I could have been during a then frequent spray painting expedition - hell, it might even have been the very night my little crew almost got arrested for spray painting an actual breathing, though passed out, bum. We might have met during an also frequent late night foray into an abandoned ...

I am officially tired. Bone tired. The kind of tired that the more eloquent poets call weary . I am almost to the point of surpassing tired and just being done . Yeah, I’m depressed too. Does it show? Heh heh . I’ ve always felt that if you just get up every day and do the best that you can do then that is enough. I believe that if you always respect the very least of those among us; if you stand up for what is right, rather than what is popular; and if you never ever feel that you are entitled to anything more than any else then you are doing all right. But what about when that is not enough? You get out what you put into life. As a devoted Buddhist I firmly believe in Karma. But you know what? I look all around this fucked up world and I see some really crap ass people getting ahead. I see good people losing their homes, their jobs and custody of their children. I see pathological liars succeeding not despite of their dishonesty, but because of it. Sure, it only makes sense that ly...

I am so proud of my country today! A renewed sense of pride that I haven't been able to feel in a very long time. When Michelle Obama made her comment about how she was finally able to be proud to be American many people attacked her. But you know what? I completely understood where she was coming from. Of course I have always been American, and always been proud of what America is supposed to stand for. For a long time, however, this country has NOT exemplified the principals we claim to hold dear. For the past 8 years we have been led by an administration headed by an out-of-touch and ethnocentric leader with an agenda representing only a small portion of our public. On top of that - and as a particular pet peeve of my own - that same leader could not even be bothered to learn the proper pronunciation of the very language of our country. Yes, Bush appeared to the world as the stereotypical dumbfuck redneck American hillbilly without any true grasp of the issues of the world toda...

It always goes like this! I spend weeks without any inspiration to write and then, when I need to be writing very important (but completely un -fun) academic papers the creative ideas just come pouring out! The whole past summer flew by and i didn't write a single essay here. AND IT IS AN ELECTION YEAR!!!! It's not like I haven't had a million things to say. Those who know me well can confirm that I've been known to write lengthy blogs about the election of PTA presidents at my son's school. They remember that I campaigned for Bill Clinton while in labor! They remember that I used to try and initiate dinner conversation about Bills that hadn' t even been completely written yet! So why have I let all this exciting Obama/McCain stuff go on without comment? On top of that, Angelina Jolie has added, like, a dozen mor e kids to her brood without comment from me. Have I gone soft?! Ellen got married and I didn't write a single word! (Though I was so t...

Little Dog is about to turn 16. It's sort of puzzling, the lack of enthusiasm he and his friends are displaying about this momentous birthday (both his and their own.) When I was turning 16 I all but parked at the Tag Agency the night before so I could obtain my driver's license as soon as possible. But these kids are just kind of " meh " about the whole driving deal. I have friends with kids who are 18 and still haven't moseyed down to the DMV . LD displays a definite interest in driving, but it's not all consuming as it was with me and my friends. I also have to admit that LD and crew haven't done half the crazy things I had done by the time my 16 th rolled around. I was certainly not a "bad" kid, nor were my friends. But by 14 I had already been drunk (and tearfully confessed the same to my mom the very next day, so strong was my guilt.) I had also smoked pot, hitchhiked, and I'm pretty sure I had probably done a hit of speed or two......

Yes, my last two posts were pretty boring, but some of you have asked what is keeping me so busy, so I offered a couple of short examples of my academic writing. Sort of. I actually tried to un - academize the papers in many ways to make them more interesting, while still maintaining the thesis. Boring? Yeah, but I am such a nerd I find that sort of writing to be kinda fun. Okay, so today Bojo sent me some information on a local social service organization for teens that seems to be doing some great work. She is very passionate about becoming involved with them and I support her (and the organisation) wholeheartedly. While pointing out the wide range of programs, however , she mentioned something that gave me pause for thought. The organisation offers programs for " GLTQ " teens. G and L I have no problem with, though technically "gay" and "lesbian" are kind of redundant. Transgendered? Okay, I understand the inclusion. But "Questioning"?...

My last post was about all the stupid things that annoyed me last week, which is a negative karma to put out there. In an effort to balance that negativity I will now post about all the great things in my life last week. 1. Little Dog. My son is incredible. I am truly blessed with him. He is kind, funny, moral, compassionate, intelligent and not bad looking. I enjoy being a part of his life. His friends are all great kids whom I also enjoy being around. 2. Furry. I love this impish little boy! He lifts my mood whenever he's around. He fascinates me as he learns about this world. His smile brightens the room and his tiny hand in mine makes me feel as if I am the luckiest person in the world. 3. My new computer. It rocks! 4. My hero, Jen , whose husband I have adopted as a brother and whose children I have come to love. She inspires me and makes me want to be a better person. 5. Muller. ( Holla Muller!) I could not have a better best friend if I designed one myself. She loves me and...

I try really hard to say only what I mean. As an armchair (or at least academic) Linguist , I take language very seriously. Therefore I do not ever claim to " hate " something. In fact, I cannot think of anything worth expending the negative energy to hate. Even RB. I also do not say, "I cannot stand" or "I will not tolerate" because time and experience has taught me I can stand quite a bit of adversity and I have tolerated some things that surprised even me. I have, however, realised that I say " stupid " a lot when referring to something that has annoyed me. Not so much people, as while there are some ignorant people, I would rarely consider someone stupid . Okay, so I abuse the term stupid. It was a really long week last week, and I am pretty stressed these days due to overwhelming work at the firm and my current finals. (Thesis? What thesis?) When things are this busy I do not have the time to properly meditate, and after a while it really s...

I don't know why this story bugs me so much, as it doesn't affect my life in any way. But it does bug. HARD. The story goes this way: Tracy first felt she was trapped in the wrong gendered body during her twenties. She felt more comfortable being a male and wanted society to respect the way she felt inside. In order to facilitate this she began to wear men's clothing. She then had her breasts surgically removed and began taking testosterone in order to cultivate a more masculine appearance . She grew a beard. Then she married her female partner. How the hell could that happen?! I am a huge proponent of same-sex marriage, so it is not any kind of sexual morality issue for me. But it is a legal issue. Thomas may look like a man and live like a man, but she is is NOT A MAN. Hello, she's PREGNANT! Men do not get pregnant and in case you need a reminder as to why, it's because they don't have uteri ! Artificial insemination? No problem. Gay marriage? No problem. L...

...but I am American Idol's bitch. Yes, that's right, I am. And it is not because this season, rather than watching the show for its inherent snark value, I actually found myself caring about a particular contestant. Okay, not caring so much as lusting after. I quickly nipped that in the bud once I figured out that not only am I old enough to be his mother, but since he is old enough to be a father that makes me old enough to be his kids' grandmother . Ew. That didn't stop me from downloading several of his performances from iTunes however. Even when he covered Iz's What a Wonderful World, one of my top favourite songs of all time, leading Little Dog to exclaim disdainfully, "Gah! He's doing that song you want played at your funeral!" my enjoyment of his music did not wane. No, that is not why I am AI's Bitch. This is why: I downloaded that stupid Mariah Carey song that she sang on the show. Gaaaaah! I know! What is wrong with me?! I used to be ...

Little Dog recently told me about an exchange that took place during his second hour Science class. For some reason the teacher asked, with the obvious expectation of receiving no "yes" answers, if anyone in the class was Buddhist. Little Dog was the only person who raised his hand and with confidence stated that his mom was Buddhist. (Note that he didn't rock the boat by admitting that he, for the most part, is also.) His admission led to a discussion of how "weird" it is that his mom is Buddhist - especially since we are not Asian. Yeah. Racist in middle America High School much? Anyway the reason for bringing it up in the first place was to discuss a recent article in our local paper that was about a deformed (two-faced) baby whom the "Buddhists" believe to be a "God." To his credit Little Dog did assert that Buddhism is not a polytheistic religion, but he was outnumbered by those who, still shocked about my Buddhism, refused to hear any l...

There are times when Little Dog will say something that makes me say, "Man, I really do have a teenager now." You know, the requisite eye rolls and responses of " Fiiiiine Mommmm " But then there are other times when he will say something that reminds me I have raised exactly the kind of young man I wanted to raise; the kind that makes me burst with mama pride. Like recently, on the way to school, he said, "Mom, is it okay if I go make sandwiches for the homeless before school Thursday morning?" This was not something I had particularly pushed, but merely an opportunity he came across. Never mind that, in the back of my mind, I had always wanted to find an opportunity to somehow do something hands on to help the homeless. He has a friend who spends Thursday mornings before school making sandwiches to be distributed to our city's homeless population and he wanted to help too. Yay him! I have always tried to live a life that exemplifies giving back. H...

I have mentioned that my family likes to eat, but I forgot to add that we also like to have really heated discussions while we do so. Yesterday's Easter dinner was no exception. Before everything had even been served my dad had initiated a discussion of the current presidential candidates and claimed they were all worthless. That was not surprising at all as my dad has never liked a single candidate - or president for that matter - that I can recall. The sole exception was Ross Perot, whose campaign signs dad displayed liberally in his yard for almost a year. Go figure. Bojo, who has been the leader of the elect Hillary parade since before she even announced her candidacy has the annoying habit of never participating in political debate with me. Therefore, she sat mostly silent throughout this portion of the meal. She didn't even bust a vein when dad announced that Hillary was unfit to be president because she is a woman. I was left in the very awkward position of defending Hil...

Do you ever eat ....I want to say do you ever eat so much that , but that's not really the point. Do you ever eat and then feel so freaking stuffed that you feel as if you will never ever need to eat again? So stuffed that even though you really do care about the hungry people in the world you still don't bother to save the other half of your spaghetti dinner? So hungry that you don't even have room for Jello?! Yeah, that's how I felt after eating last night. I don't know if it is my meds , or the weather, or my stress level, but I am increasingly finding that a little goes a really really long way. Not that this is a bad thing , as I could stand to lose a few (or 50) pounds. It's just weird to get so full on so little. Plus, I am due at the family Easter dinner in only a few hour s and I swear I still don't have room for even a single hot roll, caramelized carrot, slice of ham or chocolate egg. And at my family's gatherings there is really no...

Furry has mastered language and is talking non-stop these days. That's pretty normal for a three year old, but what is unique about him is his "Bringlish" accent. See, his mom was born and raised right here in the heartland of America. As such, she speaks with a sort of familiar southern twang. His dad, on the other hand, was born and raised across the pond in England and speaks with a delicious English accent. Therefore, Furry's dialect is a mix of colloquial English and British slang. The other day he told Bojo that what she was saying was "rubbish" and he was quite adamant about it. He also loves the big green "oh-guh" called Shrek and recently told me he was "gonna git a 'ti-guh'" It's a lot like living with new-Madonna - after she decided she was British and adopted the accent. Or maybe Brittney: post breakdown. You know, kind of like he's faking the whole British personae. What he is not faking is his pickiness when ...

This week's damage: Bad Dog , a Buddhist memoir A Lover's Discourse and The Pleasure of the Text , both by Roland Barthes, whom I have recently discovered and think I may be in love with. A couple of fairly recent Chomsky tomes The stuff of Thought , by Steven Pinker All of the above are currently in some stage of being read by me. For reference I also bought a Harvard Press text on Sociolinguistics and two other linguistics reference books. Grad school is really going to be hell on my budget, but will result in an expanded (albeit very nerdy) library!

Hint: There's a great picture of my favourite "adopted" nephew ; the boy who inspires all this, on his team's site (Holla Josh!). Dear Friends, I have a small handful of organizations that I personally support. Tulsa Autism Foundation is the only one that I ask for your help with once a year. Why? Largely because the Co-Founder of the organization, Jennifer Miller, is my personal hero; because Josh is an incredible kid, and because this family exemplifies everything good about life: gratitude, compassion, motivation, commitment, generosity ... (I truly could go on and on.) I KNOW that the money the foundation raises directly benefits the families in our community who are affected by Autism Spectrum Disorders. Every donation, no matter how small, is received with genuine gratitude. Every single dollar makes a difference for this grass roots organization. Since opening its doors in 2006, the foundation has been able to increase awareness in our community and to offer ...

I tried to like Hillary. I really did. By all rights I should be one of her staunchest supporters. I am a feminist woman. I loved Bill Clinton. He was the one who inspired me to take an interest in Politics. I gave birth to my only child just two months before Election Day in 1992. I was a single mom at a time when the Republicans were campaigning on a platform of family values which condemned people like me (and Murphy Brown.) I remember feeling that the leaders of my country condemned, rather than supported me. It was a defining period in my life. Bill brought politics into the realm of the common man. He got the attention of the MTV generation. He reminded minorities of their voice. During the first six years of his presidency the policies of his legislation served to better the lives of working people. Of course I wanted to support Hillary. But she has let me down. Over and over again. Every time I hear her speak she angers me more. Hillary is campaigning from a position of power t...

I like Aerosmith. There. I said it. Should I be embarrassed about this? Or should I be more embarrassed by the fact that before this weekend I could not have named a single Aerosmith song? Okay, that is not entirely true because I was familiar with Walk This Way - but only because of Run-DMC (Da Kings of Queens - hollah Muller!) And I guess somewhere amidst the pop culture databases in my mind I recognised that Dude Looks Like a Lady was sung by the only man with lips larger than Jagger. But that was really the extent of it. While I am shaming myself, I may as well admit that I can still only name two Led Zeppelin songs: Stairway to Heaven (duh) and D'Yer Maker . I only know the latter because one of the cooks in the restaurant I worked in throughout college sang it ALL THE TIME. As far as naming the members of this seminal band ... well, aside from Robert Plant I can't. I even just cheated and googled just to make sure Plant was actually a member. I guess I just missed the...

So my doc quit her practice to take an administrative position and I had to switch to a different one. It really sucks because I really really liked the old doc. But the new doc I chose is my friend Darrin's partner. I'm pretty confident that since Darrin is a nice guy and a great doctor, surely his partner in the practice will be equally good. We ruled out Darrin being my doctor a long time ago, as since we are friends and neighbors it would be kind of awkward to introduce physical exams into our relationship. Anyway, I met the new guy last week when I went in for some labs. Friday we met to discuss the results and to hopefully find out why the fuck I feel like crap and can barely stay awake these days. Turns out there was nothing in my lab work that would account for my lethargy. Damn! I was actually honestly kind of hoping for some skewed thyroid numbers or anemia, as at least that would explain things. New Doc is now betting on sleep apnea as the culprit, which has been bro...