Yellow Dog/Bleeding Heart

 I love the fact that even though both of the kids are officially "adults" now they still like to go to movies with mom and dad. We managed to coordinate all 4 of our schedules and spend a recent Friday night at the movies seeing Scott Pilgrim , which we all enjoyed for different reasons. On the heels of that bonding experience we made plans to see The Kids Are All Right  a couple of weeks later. I had been anxious to see this movie since first hearing about it. As a major champion for same sex marriage rights, I was thrilled to see such a relationship depicted in a mainstream movie. I anticipated realism without sensationalism; in addition to superior acting. I've loved Mia Wasikowska every since I had the pleasure of watching her act out my own life story via her role as Sophie  on the series In Treatment . (Okay, so maybe I was never a gymnast and my parents were not rich beautiful successful California people, but the pathos and daddy issues were dead on. I li...

1. He gets just how cool robots really are 2. He can be Ward Cleaver when he has to 3. He answered some of the "hard" questions during LD's preteen years 4. He still rocks the bass 5. He still remembers the sharkskin suit we bought at a thrift store in 1983 6. He stood in the front yard in the rain with me the night my cat got out and let to me cry it all out - even though he doesn't even really like cats 7. Even though the kids went through a phase of standing outside the bathroom door to harass him every time he went to do his business he never killed either one of them 8. He really does love being a dad 9. The kids and I can still easily embarrass him 10. Even though the bitch neighbor complained every single day he refused to quit parking in front of her house solely because that's where the shade was. And when she cut her tree down just to spite him he didn't flaunt his victory. 11. He always has exactly what is needed no matter how obscure...

A friend of mine sent me this video and I had a lot of fun watching it and laughing at how many times I thought to myself, "I have one of those too!"   I so want to be in that room and play with those toys! Watching this video also made me really nostalgic for LD's childhood. My baby boy is pretty much all grown up now and will be going away to college in less than a year. It really really doesn't seem that long ago that our house was cluttered with Lego creations and action figures, and the back yard looked like a Little Tykes delivery truck had exploded over it. Of course there are still robots, dinosaurs, planetarium lights, wind up toys and crazy kitschy things in my house today. That's just a part of who I am. But when LD was a little boy I wanted his room to be his own magical place - with clouds in the sky, airplanes flying overhead, faux fireplaces and pretend picture frames, chalkboard walls to draw on, and assorted other whimsical t...

Little Dog is about to turn 16. It's sort of puzzling, the lack of enthusiasm he and his friends are displaying about this momentous birthday (both his and their own.) When I was turning 16 I all but parked at the Tag Agency the night before so I could obtain my driver's license as soon as possible. But these kids are just kind of " meh " about the whole driving deal. I have friends with kids who are 18 and still haven't moseyed down to the DMV . LD displays a definite interest in driving, but it's not all consuming as it was with me and my friends. I also have to admit that LD and crew haven't done half the crazy things I had done by the time my 16 th rolled around. I was certainly not a "bad" kid, nor were my friends. But by 14 I had already been drunk (and tearfully confessed the same to my mom the very next day, so strong was my guilt.) I had also smoked pot, hitchhiked, and I'm pretty sure I had probably done a hit of speed or two......

Little Dog recently told me about an exchange that took place during his second hour Science class. For some reason the teacher asked, with the obvious expectation of receiving no "yes" answers, if anyone in the class was Buddhist. Little Dog was the only person who raised his hand and with confidence stated that his mom was Buddhist. (Note that he didn't rock the boat by admitting that he, for the most part, is also.) His admission led to a discussion of how "weird" it is that his mom is Buddhist - especially since we are not Asian. Yeah. Racist in middle America High School much? Anyway the reason for bringing it up in the first place was to discuss a recent article in our local paper that was about a deformed (two-faced) baby whom the "Buddhists" believe to be a "God." To his credit Little Dog did assert that Buddhism is not a polytheistic religion, but he was outnumbered by those who, still shocked about my Buddhism, refused to hear any l...

There are times when Little Dog will say something that makes me say, "Man, I really do have a teenager now." You know, the requisite eye rolls and responses of " Fiiiiine Mommmm " But then there are other times when he will say something that reminds me I have raised exactly the kind of young man I wanted to raise; the kind that makes me burst with mama pride. Like recently, on the way to school, he said, "Mom, is it okay if I go make sandwiches for the homeless before school Thursday morning?" This was not something I had particularly pushed, but merely an opportunity he came across. Never mind that, in the back of my mind, I had always wanted to find an opportunity to somehow do something hands on to help the homeless. He has a friend who spends Thursday mornings before school making sandwiches to be distributed to our city's homeless population and he wanted to help too. Yay him! I have always tried to live a life that exemplifies giving back. H...

Do you ever eat ....I want to say do you ever eat so much that , but that's not really the point. Do you ever eat and then feel so freaking stuffed that you feel as if you will never ever need to eat again? So stuffed that even though you really do care about the hungry people in the world you still don't bother to save the other half of your spaghetti dinner? So hungry that you don't even have room for Jello?! Yeah, that's how I felt after eating last night. I don't know if it is my meds , or the weather, or my stress level, but I am increasingly finding that a little goes a really really long way. Not that this is a bad thing , as I could stand to lose a few (or 50) pounds. It's just weird to get so full on so little. Plus, I am due at the family Easter dinner in only a few hour s and I swear I still don't have room for even a single hot roll, caramelized carrot, slice of ham or chocolate egg. And at my family's gatherings there is really no...

Furry has mastered language and is talking non-stop these days. That's pretty normal for a three year old, but what is unique about him is his "Bringlish" accent. See, his mom was born and raised right here in the heartland of America. As such, she speaks with a sort of familiar southern twang. His dad, on the other hand, was born and raised across the pond in England and speaks with a delicious English accent. Therefore, Furry's dialect is a mix of colloquial English and British slang. The other day he told Bojo that what she was saying was "rubbish" and he was quite adamant about it. He also loves the big green "oh-guh" called Shrek and recently told me he was "gonna git a 'ti-guh'" It's a lot like living with new-Madonna - after she decided she was British and adopted the accent. Or maybe Brittney: post breakdown. You know, kind of like he's faking the whole British personae. What he is not faking is his pickiness when ...

The other afternoon a younger co-worker told me goodbye. "Goodbye," I replied, and then, in my mind I heard the phrase, "Be a good girl!" At first I wasn't sure where that came from, but it triggered the memory that my mother always added that phrase after telling me goodbye. "Bye! Be a good girl," she would call as I went out the door to kindergarten. The same phrase followed me even into adulthood. I guess my mom felt it was important for me to be a "good girl" and she programmed that into me from day one. My mom meant well, but there were repercussions. I tried so hard to be a good girl that I never made waves. Even during those years when I had pink hair and spent my days sleeping and my nights at punk rock gigs I still did my very best to be a good girl. I was such a good girl that I married because it was the "right" thing to do and stayed in an unhappy marriage for almost a decade. I try very hard not to program unhealthy not...

First we cleaned out the attic! Then we chopped down all the trees in the world! Okay, so really we had a major freeze disaster that ruined most of the trees in the city and left us without power for a week! But the power came back on and we had The Most Patient cat in the World help us to get in the spirit. Then, just to make it even more festive it snowed!!! After that we were far too caught up in the excitement to take any pictures, so I will leave you with one final picture of Bojo, Little Dog and Furry dreaming of sugarplums....

Last weekend there was a horrible gi - normous bug in my entryway. Ordinarily I can deal with the average bug, but this one was BIG. And creepy . Little Dog is worthless when it comes to bugs, as he squeals like a baby mouse and flees at the sight of one. So, Saturday afternoon we were standing on the stairs, a good length away from this interloper, both of us wondering what to do. I had the phone in hand and was wondering just who was closest for me to call to come shoo the monster out when my neighbor, Ron, pulled in. I darted out the back door and explained the situation. He is not a big fan of the bug himself, but his chivalry is unrivaled. He grabbed a broom and a bucket from the garage and headed to my house. I felt justified when he saw the creature and was visibly astonished at its size. "What do you want me to do with it?" "Get it out!" And with that, he dropped the heavy bucket smack on top of the bug. Little Dog Shrieked and I must have exclaimed somethi...

I did not know how to cook until I was 28 and pregnant with Little Dog. Prior to that I had no interest in cooking at all. Kitchens were merely places for storing my smokes and caffeine. Restaurants were invented for people like me. I learned to cook one reason: I was pregnant and I was hungry! I ate like an elephant, but thankfully never looked like one. I consistently lost weight and ended up weighing 2 pounds less when I delivered than I had when I conceived. I had tiny little bird legs and a big huge belly full of baby.  See?! During the pregnancy I craved my mom’s old fashioned cooking. She made me meatloaf, roast with potatoes, macaroni and cheese and even Jell-O with Cool Whip mixed in. She would tell me dinner was ready and then warn everyone else to watch out for my flailing limbs as I frantically shoveled huge helpings onto my plate. So, while my mom cooked me dinners, that still left breakfast and lunch unmanned. At the time my entire experience with “cooking” c...

When it comes to schoolwork I have always been a major procrastinator, but last week I did something I have never before done. I asked for extensions on three papers. Now this bothers me a lot because now I am not only procrastinating, but I'm procrastinating with a deficit. So I cleared last night's schedule and planned on catching up. Here's how the night went: 6:18 Arrive home from work. 6:31 Little Dog specifically requests homemade potato soup for dinner. Tell him I have mucho school work to do and suggest that he make himself nachos or a sandwich. He reminds me that is what he has done for the past two days and ups his soup request to fajitas. I glance at his skinny torso and mother guilt sets in, so I give in before he ups the ante to an actual meat and potatoes meal. 6:35 Peel potatoes and dice onions in the kitchen while listening to NPR. 6:50 Put the potatoes on to boil and head upstairs to take a shower, pausing first to load the dryer and start the washer. Op...

"Mom, I need a cell phone?" "Do you have a thriving medical practice I am unaware of?" "What are you talking about? No." "Well, I just wondered if you "needed" this cell phone because your patients were complaining they couldn't reach you." "Mom," eye roll, "Be serious." "I am being quite serious. You're thirteen. Why on earth do you "need" a cell phone?" "What if you need to get a hold of me?" "Considering that 50% of the time you are WITH ME, 25% of the time you are in school and the other 25% of the time you are asleep I don't foresee a problem." "But what if I am at a friend's and they don't have a phone?" "You have friends in third world countries?!" "Mom! You're not being fair!" "You're right. I'm sorry." "So you're gonna get me a cell phone?" "No, I'm sorry to have raised you ...

Words are worth exactly the thought and the sentiment put into them. I’m not sure if it is because I was an English Major or because etymology is my hobby or even because I think the art of rhetoric is fascinating. I am just not hung up on the individual words themselves. I generally say exactly what I mean and mean exactly what I say. It’s all about context. This is why Chris Rock can call Kanye West a " niggah " but George Bush can't. This is also why I have never had a problem with Little Dog using words which many (or most) consider to be inappropriate. He can say shit, damn, piss, and even fuck. I truly do not care. I do, however, care about words and phrases like: “Shut up!” or “Hate” or “Retarded.” I mean, words can hurt, and the damage can extend further than to just the person you are saying them to. Using certain words can perpetuate stereotypes; dissuade compassion and even waste energy. Have you ever though of the energy it takes to “hate?” Yup. Hate is a mig...

I like Elvis as much as the next guy - maybe even more. I think he was handsome, had a beautiful voice and some rockin ' moves. I agree that he was a legend. People, let me tell you, there are some die hard Elvis fans out there . Enough of them to create a multi billion dollar industry of kitsch - the Mecca of which lies at 3765 Elvis Presley Boulevard in Memphis, Tennessee. It all begins at the ticket office, which is located in a huge plaza across from Graceland Mansion, which is just down the street from The Heartbreak Hotel , which is just around the corner from the Graceland RV Park , which is behind the Graceland Outle t Store , which is down the street from the Lisa Marie... You get the picture. At first glance, after hopping off the Sun Studios shuttle, the line didn't seem that long. And it wasn't, except for the fact that the line we were looking at was the line to get into the building to get to the line for the ticket counter. After 30 minutes in line t...

There had always been a part of me that felt like something was missing. I mean, I was 42 years old and I had NEVER been to Graceland . That is practically un -American! So, with that in mind, Furry's mom, Bojo , and I decided to take the kids to Memphis. ROADTRIIIIIP !!!!! 2 hip mammas trekkin ' to the Rockabilly holy land with their boys... SQUEEE ! My adrenaline was flowing just thinking about it. We would spend the entire fourth of July weekend (4 days) in the city that birthed rock-n-roll. I planned the itinerary and Bojo was in charge of the hotel and car. On the morning we were to leave she pulled up in a rented minivan. Uh... If you know me at all you know I am not a minivan kind of gal. I knew a convertible was out of the question and I had immediately nixed the idea of an SUV ( Grrrr ....) I even took her seriously when she suggested an RV (Graceland RV park? Helloooo !) But no, she got a minivan. I was going to make my rock-n-roll pilgrimage in a minivan?! Cou...

I have been missing my mom a lot lately. She was always able to make everything better. All I ever had to do was call and tell her I needed her and she would be right there. Usually, her first solution to any ailment, be it the fever or flu; grief or exhaustion; was to “go lay down.” What was great about this was that while you slept she whipped your daily life back into shape. She did the dishes. She folded the laundry. (The woman could fold anything you gave her into a perfect 10 X 10 square - e ven f itted sheets !) She would also clean out your fridge and organize your pantry - whether it needed it or not - all before bathing and feeding the kids. Then, most importantly, she made you a grilled cheese sandwich. Yup. Good old fashioned grilled cheese. Wheat bread and cheddar. Generously buttered and perfectly grilled to a nice even tan. To this day I have never had a grilled cheese that came even close to comparing to my mom’s. I think it was really all about just letting someone ...