Yellow Dog/Bleeding Heart

I cannot believe it has been so long since I have posted anything substantial. Believe me, I have had a ton of topics on my mind and (until now) actual free time. I've just been unable to focus on anything for longer than a couple of minutes lately. I don't know if it is my ADD (or, for that matter, if I even have ADD), or if it's my meds , or my exhaustion, or my stress, or maybe I'm just lazy. I really don't know. I do know that there are several people whom I have promised responses to and I hate letting them down. A while back I bought a voice activated recorder to carry with me so that when I had an idea for a blog, or a school paper, or a freelance project, I could just record my brainstorming and then later transcribe it into a fully formed piece. Well, I carried the recorder for about a week and even remembered to record a few things. Then, on the weekend I listened to it. Now, absent the original inspiration, it just played back as my stupid voice babbling ...

Right? RIGHT?! Heh heh . I find myself kind of out of sorts tonight. I'm overwhelmed with all the stuff I need to do. I seem to be at a place in my life where I'm filled with ideas, yet empty of energy. It's weird, but I have so much to say, yet the focus to write it down escapes me. I've been on break from school for three weeks and have managed to get (almost) caught up on stuff around the house and office. If going back to school while also working full time and being a single mom has taught me anything; it's taught me to value my free time. These past few weeks have felt like a vacation! As such, I have spent a lot of time doing ...absolutely nothing. I have channel surfed aimlessly; read for pleasure; watched a few movies; and even *gasp* walked around the mall. I don't even, like shopping, but there was something kind of fun about getting out there and being a part of the masses. Maybe that's what's been missing from my life; that feeling of bein...

Muller, Good Dog and me at the pony pasture late 80s It's official: I have become alarmingly withdrawn from social contact. Not really a good place for an ex-agoraphobic to be, but at least this time my withdrawal is due to actual choice, rather than fucked up devastating biological disorder. This school stuff has truly taken over my life! Ack! But I am already digressing ... Today my best friend in the whole world called me at work to check on me and see if I was okay. It'll take a bit of background to understand why this was such a significant gesture. Muller and I have been buds since we were 16 year old punk rockers hanging out at underground clubs. I don't even remember how we met. I could have been during a then frequent spray painting expedition - hell, it might even have been the very night my little crew almost got arrested for spray painting an actual breathing, though passed out, bum. We might have met during an also frequent late night foray into an abandoned ...

I am officially tired. Bone tired. The kind of tired that the more eloquent poets call weary . I am almost to the point of surpassing tired and just being done . Yeah, I’m depressed too. Does it show? Heh heh . I’ ve always felt that if you just get up every day and do the best that you can do then that is enough. I believe that if you always respect the very least of those among us; if you stand up for what is right, rather than what is popular; and if you never ever feel that you are entitled to anything more than any else then you are doing all right. But what about when that is not enough? You get out what you put into life. As a devoted Buddhist I firmly believe in Karma. But you know what? I look all around this fucked up world and I see some really crap ass people getting ahead. I see good people losing their homes, their jobs and custody of their children. I see pathological liars succeeding not despite of their dishonesty, but because of it. Sure, it only makes sense that ly...

I am so proud of my country today! A renewed sense of pride that I haven't been able to feel in a very long time. When Michelle Obama made her comment about how she was finally able to be proud to be American many people attacked her. But you know what? I completely understood where she was coming from. Of course I have always been American, and always been proud of what America is supposed to stand for. For a long time, however, this country has NOT exemplified the principals we claim to hold dear. For the past 8 years we have been led by an administration headed by an out-of-touch and ethnocentric leader with an agenda representing only a small portion of our public. On top of that - and as a particular pet peeve of my own - that same leader could not even be bothered to learn the proper pronunciation of the very language of our country. Yes, Bush appeared to the world as the stereotypical dumbfuck redneck American hillbilly without any true grasp of the issues of the world toda...

It always goes like this! I spend weeks without any inspiration to write and then, when I need to be writing very important (but completely un -fun) academic papers the creative ideas just come pouring out! The whole past summer flew by and i didn't write a single essay here. AND IT IS AN ELECTION YEAR!!!! It's not like I haven't had a million things to say. Those who know me well can confirm that I've been known to write lengthy blogs about the election of PTA presidents at my son's school. They remember that I campaigned for Bill Clinton while in labor! They remember that I used to try and initiate dinner conversation about Bills that hadn' t even been completely written yet! So why have I let all this exciting Obama/McCain stuff go on without comment? On top of that, Angelina Jolie has added, like, a dozen mor e kids to her brood without comment from me. Have I gone soft?! Ellen got married and I didn't write a single word! (Though I was so t...

Little Dog is about to turn 16. It's sort of puzzling, the lack of enthusiasm he and his friends are displaying about this momentous birthday (both his and their own.) When I was turning 16 I all but parked at the Tag Agency the night before so I could obtain my driver's license as soon as possible. But these kids are just kind of " meh " about the whole driving deal. I have friends with kids who are 18 and still haven't moseyed down to the DMV . LD displays a definite interest in driving, but it's not all consuming as it was with me and my friends. I also have to admit that LD and crew haven't done half the crazy things I had done by the time my 16 th rolled around. I was certainly not a "bad" kid, nor were my friends. But by 14 I had already been drunk (and tearfully confessed the same to my mom the very next day, so strong was my guilt.) I had also smoked pot, hitchhiked, and I'm pretty sure I had probably done a hit of speed or two......