Yellow Dog/Bleeding Heart

Having limitations on your lifestyle is NOT the same as being poor.

Today I rode an actual racehorse! My seat was bad, my heels didn't always stay down and if I had dimes between my thighs they would have been lost before we even left the paddock. But with the beautiful creature on the left's help I DID IT! It has been well over 2 decades since I sat on the back of a horse. I did ride an elephant a few years ago ... but I digress. I was scared. Not just because I was out of practice, but also because of an astrology chart done over 30 years ago that ended with the omen "grave hurt by large animal."  That's pretty much the reason I quit riding in the first place. See, when LD was born I suddenly became a lot more diligent about things like wearing my seatbelt and avoiding potential bear maulings. Since public transportation is the closest I'll ever come to roughing it, and I don't camp or really spend any time at all outdoors (shut up!) my chances of being brutalized by wildcats or devoured by wolves is pretty r...

When you realize how perfect everything is you will tilt your head back   and laugh at the sky. At the height of laughter, the universe is   flung into a kaleidoscope of possibilities!   Not for nothing does the blessed one smile.    

I've been cleaning out all my digital files and recently found a folder with all the Holiday CD notes and artwork.  It was kind of fun to look back on them all as a group. Below are some random liner notes, playlists, and cover photos. Liner notes from one of the first back in the 90s: Christmas really is about the baby, and not just the one in the manger  who started all this celebrating, but the baby that you once were; the one who  wouldn't  go to sleep because the anticipation of Santa was too much - Or the babies you raised and put to bed your self on Christmas Eve -  Or your now grown up babies -  Or your four legged fur babies - Or even the baby you plan to snuggle with after everyone else leaves (Or the one you at least want to catch under the mistletoe!) So, whoever your baby is, tell them I wish them a very merry Christmas!   I'm not really sure why the text overlays won't show up - other than the fact that these w...

I recently found some old CD artwork and notes. These are from a CD I made for my nephew years ago when he was just a baby.  Clearly I was not very sophisticated in my choice of fonts - lol! Front Cover: ... take your bath brush your teeth put on jammies kiss dad kiss mom say prayers get tucked in hug your pillow close your eyes one more drink of water retuck ...   SWEET DREAMS, BABY HARRY                                                                                                             Back Cover: I   Need   Some   Sleep  Eels   Pure  Imagination   Maroon  5 Junk ...

When you are 6 years old the world IS mud-lucious and puddle-wonderful! When he was in second grade, LD was assigned the task of memorizing a poem to recite in front of his class. Props were required. He had not even finished telling me about the assignment before I was pulling out books of e.e. cummings poetry and suggesting he learn in Just ; using balloons as his props. I explained, in 7-year-old terms, how the poem was about growing up and losing innocence. My son humored me, though he did lobby half-heartedly for something by Seuss. His first (and only) poetry reading was a success. He memorized and understood the poem, though in hindsight I'm not sure it was as fun for him to perform as Seuss might have been. Either way there still would have been balloons!                                 ...

Some of life's great truths are so simple that you do not even have to experience the lesson to understand its meaning. Thus, I have several rules I live by - mantras or mottoes - whatever you choose to call them. So if you've ever wondered who I am or how I live or what I pounded into the heads of my kiddos as I raised them here it is: 1. Life is too Short.  There is no further elaboration needed for this truth; no "to" followed by some ridiculous first world problem. Life is simply already too short. Really, it is! In the grand scheme of the universe and all of its history we are but an infinitesimal blip. So it is essential that we fully experience every moment we have in this life. Perhaps that is why embracing Buddhist philosophy came so naturally to me. Suffering, desire, mindfulness ... the clarity of it all really is beautiful. Basically, when you eat the mango, taste the mango; feel its weight in your hand and pay particular attention to how it i...

I recently started working on a book about my mother. Nothing major; or even for publication; just a little history tome for my own family. My mom was an incredible woman. She suffered some pretty major hardships in her lifetime, but somehow she persevered. I’m not sure I could have done as well in her place. She wasn’t perfect, by any stretch. She could be mean and demanding; martyred and depressing; ignorant and sarcastic. But she could also love you so fiercely you believed you could do anything. She had the remarkable ability to convince those she loved that no one would ever love them as much. Most of us in the family believe, to this day, that she loved us more than we will ever be loved again. I miss her like crazy and find myself wishing she were here to answer the questions about her life that pop into my head so frequently lately . See, I only ever knew her as "mom".  It wasn’t until I had to grow up (read: after her death) that I longed...

It's that time of night, lying in bed, thinking what you really think, making the private world public, that's what the poet does.   Allen Ginsberg

The 10 Best Things About Tulsa 1. CHEAP Real Estate 2. QT 3. Running into someone you know no matter where you go 4. Swan Lake 5. Braum's Market 6. Oil Mansions 7. Downtown 8. Lunch with the "gramps" at ABears 9.  Rainy nights 10. It will always be home  The 10 Best Things About DC 1. The Metro 2. The feeling you  get standing in the middle of the National Mall 3.   Kogod Courtyard 4. Ben’s Chili Bowl 5.   The smoothies in the upstairs corner of Union Station 6.   Parades 7. Kogod Corner Market NW E & New Jersey 8. The dollhouse in the Museum of American History 9. Cleveland Park 10. That my best DC friend's last name is Love ... seriously, it is!

      This really doesn't seem like that long ago.  Last week maybe?  and now ... Congratulations my beautiful boy!                                                                        Love,                                                                                           Mom

Some say love requires commitment.  I think it is quite the opposite. Love is a fluid choice; one you make an infinite number of times – though if you are truly blessed it is always the same person. I have loved someone enough to allow them to walk away even though I possessed the power to say “don’t” … or “ stay ” … or other sincere words like and “ love ” and “ need ” … how very badly I needed him to make me feel safe; to continue to be the only person I ever trusted to protect me.   But in that moment love meant goodbye .   Ironically, I have chosen to love the same way many times over.   And that is ok because love is not about what you need or they need; or what is right or wrong. It is loving someone so much that in the end, just having been loved is enough. To have shared the moments; to have felt their heartbeat at your cheek at the exact moment in your life when you needed to feel life; to share the same breath with them when ...

“ When we talk we give ourselves away. We reveal our true character in a picture which is more true and realistic than anything an artist can do for us. “   Dr Ralph C. Smedley

Here's another teaser (designed mostly to hold me accountable for posting new content)! The very first job I applied for; the one that was a total fluke; the one where the Director said I pretty much had her at, "I understand you're looking for a ..."; the one where the job was mine just as soon as the Director could tame the politics and take a breath ... remember?  Well, yesterday I learned that she has been arrested and charged with some mega heavy duty felonies committed via her position. Damn. Ya suck up to someone for months and they go and ruin it by making a bomb threat. Dontcha hate it when that happens? Stay tuned for the full story and even more stories of ridiculous situations that could only happen to me.

Stay tuned for an epic account of my battle with the cannoli. It was gruesome - every dish was dirtied; chocolate chips were charred; Cinnamon was shed and the ricotta totally turned traitor. Seriously. I fought the cannoli and the cannoli won. Stay tuned!

I've been playing around with layout, but my html skills are rusty. Please be patient - and let me know of any problems, preferences, or wonky links in the comments.

In my last post I mentioned that I related to the character of Sophie on HBO's In Treatment so much that her last few sessions had me in tears. It was like watching my own teenaged self going through therapy - which I probably should have. Abandoned by dad, depressed mom, feeling responsible for everything , acting defiant ... I swear the writers of this show found my diary from when I was 16. I wasn't a gymnast, but I did have red hair and I was in a motorcycle accident and I did OD. Hell, I even once bought a brass sailboat for Rick. I didn't have a therapist, but I did find a priest who met with me in his office once a week one summer. *sigh* " What did I do ?" I still ask myself that question to this day. Watch this video and then comment to let me know if Sophie made you cry too. Also, in case you've ever wondered what I was like at 16, well, here ya go!

 I love the fact that even though both of the kids are officially "adults" now they still like to go to movies with mom and dad. We managed to coordinate all 4 of our schedules and spend a recent Friday night at the movies seeing Scott Pilgrim , which we all enjoyed for different reasons. On the heels of that bonding experience we made plans to see The Kids Are All Right  a couple of weeks later. I had been anxious to see this movie since first hearing about it. As a major champion for same sex marriage rights, I was thrilled to see such a relationship depicted in a mainstream movie. I anticipated realism without sensationalism; in addition to superior acting. I've loved Mia Wasikowska every since I had the pleasure of watching her act out my own life story via her role as Sophie  on the series In Treatment . (Okay, so maybe I was never a gymnast and my parents were not rich beautiful successful California people, but the pathos and daddy issues were dead on. I li...

The world is a beautiful place today! I forget how much fun it is because I tend to stay holed up wallowing in my unemployed-ness, but today I ventured out and functioned among the masses for a change. The weather was beautiful, people were friendly,  and the traffic was tolerable. Speaking of traffic: To the man in the white truck with the old school trailer: It was very nice of you to stop in the middle lane so I could turn right even though the guy in the right (my) lane already had it covered & I had even begun my turn, but was it really necessary to honk repeatedly at me and gesture wildly towards the center lane? I mean, we were all stopped because of the red light a few car lengths ahead. So like I said, it was nice of you to stop also, but what you didn't seem to understand was that I did not want (or need ) to turn into your lane, as I was just going to hook another right as soon as the light changed. The first time you honked and pointed I smiled and ...