Yellow Dog/Bleeding Heart

“ When we talk we give ourselves away. We reveal our true character in a picture which is more true and realistic than anything an artist can do for us. “   Dr Ralph C. Smedley

Here's another teaser (designed mostly to hold me accountable for posting new content)! The very first job I applied for; the one that was a total fluke; the one where the Director said I pretty much had her at, "I understand you're looking for a ..."; the one where the job was mine just as soon as the Director could tame the politics and take a breath ... remember?  Well, yesterday I learned that she has been arrested and charged with some mega heavy duty felonies committed via her position. Damn. Ya suck up to someone for months and they go and ruin it by making a bomb threat. Dontcha hate it when that happens? Stay tuned for the full story and even more stories of ridiculous situations that could only happen to me.

Stay tuned for an epic account of my battle with the cannoli. It was gruesome - every dish was dirtied; chocolate chips were charred; Cinnamon was shed and the ricotta totally turned traitor. Seriously. I fought the cannoli and the cannoli won. Stay tuned!

I've been playing around with layout, but my html skills are rusty. Please be patient - and let me know of any problems, preferences, or wonky links in the comments.

In my last post I mentioned that I related to the character of Sophie on HBO's In Treatment so much that her last few sessions had me in tears. It was like watching my own teenaged self going through therapy - which I probably should have. Abandoned by dad, depressed mom, feeling responsible for everything , acting defiant ... I swear the writers of this show found my diary from when I was 16. I wasn't a gymnast, but I did have red hair and I was in a motorcycle accident and I did OD. Hell, I even once bought a brass sailboat for Rick. I didn't have a therapist, but I did find a priest who met with me in his office once a week one summer. *sigh* " What did I do ?" I still ask myself that question to this day. Watch this video and then comment to let me know if Sophie made you cry too. Also, in case you've ever wondered what I was like at 16, well, here ya go!

 I love the fact that even though both of the kids are officially "adults" now they still like to go to movies with mom and dad. We managed to coordinate all 4 of our schedules and spend a recent Friday night at the movies seeing Scott Pilgrim , which we all enjoyed for different reasons. On the heels of that bonding experience we made plans to see The Kids Are All Right  a couple of weeks later. I had been anxious to see this movie since first hearing about it. As a major champion for same sex marriage rights, I was thrilled to see such a relationship depicted in a mainstream movie. I anticipated realism without sensationalism; in addition to superior acting. I've loved Mia Wasikowska every since I had the pleasure of watching her act out my own life story via her role as Sophie  on the series In Treatment . (Okay, so maybe I was never a gymnast and my parents were not rich beautiful successful California people, but the pathos and daddy issues were dead on. I li...

The world is a beautiful place today! I forget how much fun it is because I tend to stay holed up wallowing in my unemployed-ness, but today I ventured out and functioned among the masses for a change. The weather was beautiful, people were friendly,  and the traffic was tolerable. Speaking of traffic: To the man in the white truck with the old school trailer: It was very nice of you to stop in the middle lane so I could turn right even though the guy in the right (my) lane already had it covered & I had even begun my turn, but was it really necessary to honk repeatedly at me and gesture wildly towards the center lane? I mean, we were all stopped because of the red light a few car lengths ahead. So like I said, it was nice of you to stop also, but what you didn't seem to understand was that I did not want (or need ) to turn into your lane, as I was just going to hook another right as soon as the light changed. The first time you honked and pointed I smiled and ...

I've had strep throat. Or tonsillitis. I'm not sure which, but my throat looks like raw meat and feels like someone ran an electric sander over it. It hurts to swallow. It also hurts not to swallow. Unfortunately since I no longer have health insurance, or you know,  a job I cannot afford to go to the doctor. Fortunately since I live with an autoimmune disorder anyway I have a giant stash of antibiotics on hand. So, I've simply used my Google-fu to determine which antibiotic and in what dose and have been medicating myself. Hmmm ... even with my mad medical skillz I still don't have a job.

There are many things about popular American culture that absolutely baffle me. It goes without saying that I abhor media manipulation, but the increasing willingness of people to succumb to it leaves me both disgusted and saddened. In many instances it's as if logic has ceased to exist. To wit: 1.   Lady GaGa: For starters she looks like a drag version of Howard from the Big Bang Theory. I do agree that she has a beautiful voice, but whatever happened to letting that stand on its own? I have no problem with celebrities using their platforms to educate and inform about causes they believe in, but Lady GaGa is promoting nothing but her own self with all the ridiculous costumes and videos. In fact, by appearing as a freak show she's alienating a large portion of an audience she might otherwise be able to reach and instead appealing to the lowest common denominator. I'm a huge proponent of individuality  and self expression. I was saying "fuck the fascist...

The words "Pizza Robot" pretty much describe my idea of the perfect man. Photo Source: http://www.delish.com/food-fun/unusual-vending-machine-foods?gt1=47001 Check out these other vending machines from a more perfect world: http://www.delish.com/food-fun/unusual-vending-machine-foods?gt1=47001

You know those days when you wake up and it's pouring down rain and you'd rather stay in bed than go to work? Those days when you're at work and it's raining out side and you meet someone on the elevator and they say, "This is a perfect napping weather" and you agree and wish you were home under the covers instead of on that stupid elevator?  Well, today was one of those days and when the alarm went off this morning I turned it off. When you've been laid off you learn to appreciate even the tiniest of blessings.

Photo Source: http://anonymityno-identity.deviantart.com/ Dear Anonymous Hiring Manager, I am writing in response to your job posting in the August 8th edition of [ my local paper ]. I am actually perfect for the position you are trying to fill. Not only do I meet all of your basic qualifications (proficient in MS applications, experienced, excellent oral and written skills etc.) which, really? Shouldn't all of that go without saying in this day and age? I mean who isn't proficient in MS apps? After all, it is 2010 and unless you still use a corded phone and correspond only by snail mail you pretty much have all that down. I'm pretty sure even kindergartners are capable of doing Power Point presentations these days. However, in addition to all the basics, you "preferred" someone with experience in [ obscure legal billing program ] which is what I had been working in for the past 10 years until the shareholders of the law firm I was with lost a big cas...

1. He gets just how cool robots really are 2. He can be Ward Cleaver when he has to 3. He answered some of the "hard" questions during LD's preteen years 4. He still rocks the bass 5. He still remembers the sharkskin suit we bought at a thrift store in 1983 6. He stood in the front yard in the rain with me the night my cat got out and let to me cry it all out - even though he doesn't even really like cats 7. Even though the kids went through a phase of standing outside the bathroom door to harass him every time he went to do his business he never killed either one of them 8. He really does love being a dad 9. The kids and I can still easily embarrass him 10. Even though the bitch neighbor complained every single day he refused to quit parking in front of her house solely because that's where the shade was. And when she cut her tree down just to spite him he didn't flaunt his victory. 11. He always has exactly what is needed no matter how obscure...

A friend of mine sent me this video and I had a lot of fun watching it and laughing at how many times I thought to myself, "I have one of those too!"   I so want to be in that room and play with those toys! Watching this video also made me really nostalgic for LD's childhood. My baby boy is pretty much all grown up now and will be going away to college in less than a year. It really really doesn't seem that long ago that our house was cluttered with Lego creations and action figures, and the back yard looked like a Little Tykes delivery truck had exploded over it. Of course there are still robots, dinosaurs, planetarium lights, wind up toys and crazy kitschy things in my house today. That's just a part of who I am. But when LD was a little boy I wanted his room to be his own magical place - with clouds in the sky, airplanes flying overhead, faux fireplaces and pretend picture frames, chalkboard walls to draw on, and assorted other whimsical t...

It's LYLE THE PARTY GOAT!!! Also the only goat to ever grace the hallowed halls of the University.  The Pony Pasture! It was worth falling asleep drunk in Muller's bed in the barn-house just to be able to wake up and see this beautiful sight in the morning. That's Polly - the coolest Cobb in the pasture - and her baby, Veronica with Amy (?) and Tom - the Bart Simpson of horses who used to chase me and try to bite my ass! Rev - the pony that tried to kill me! Yes he did ! Shut up Muller! I still keep his shoe over my front door to remind me of my narrow escape from death. Am I correct that this is Rev too? I think it is, but I don't remember. The only time Muller and I have EVER exchanged harsh words was when trying to load a pony in the trailer and Muller got mad when I let go in order to keep from amputating my right arm. I don't remember which horse, but I know it was a looooong and silent ride home in the truck that day. It was also the LAST h...

Photo Source: http://www.gardendigest.com/concrete/cvp244.htm Random Crap I've Learned While Job Hunting: 1. There are some surprisingly complicated jobs out there that only pay crap and some ridiculously easy ones that pay a huge salary. You will be considered "overqualified" for the latter.  2.  The guy who euthanizes the animals at the city shelter only makes $32k a year and is not a veterinarian. 3. It apparently acceptable to expect an Office Manager for a non-profit to, not only have a Master's, but also to work for only $28k a year. 4. It is extremely difficult, though not impossible, to get hired as a public school teacher unless you majored in education. If you majored in an obscure humanities related field it ain't gonna happen at all. Though you can teach at a Junior College with only a BA as long as you're willing to work for peanuts, a PhD in Linguistics does not qualify you to teach English to first graders. 5. The person who...

Part my job used to involve talking with random people who would call the firm because they wanted to to sue someone, so I’m fully aware that we live in a litigious society. It still came as a surprise the number of attorney friends who suggested I file a wrongful termination suit. It seems that laying off someone over forty, while retaining younger employees with less seniority is frowned upon by the EEOC. The fact that everyone else in my office who was laid off was also over forty left the firm vulnerable to a discrimination claim. And then there’s the fact that the day before lay offs they hired three new kids – one just out of high school. These were “favour” jobs, with no real duties, given to the sons and daughters of Shareholders or important Clients. It’s always been a tradition to hire kids like this, but you’d think that when you're also laying off people with families to support that tradition might need to end. But you know what? It’s not worth it. Lawsuits ...

Photo Source: http://withgoodreasonradio.org/2009/04/trickster-heroines-2/ You begin to try and embrace the lay off as an opportunity, but even though you know you will eventually find a job you love, and that you will likely make much more money; you still have to face down the pile off bills that arrive daily. Unless, like me, you find it all too much and shove all of your unopened mail and scattered paperwork into a box which you then shove into the corner by your desk. When your cell phone beeps with new messages you don’t want to face you toss that into the box too. Eventually you dump the contents of your purse; the grocery receipts, unread newspapers, the note your neighbor left on your door, appointment reminder cards, the shopping list, and your planner into the box too. The box becomes your enemy. You discover that Law & Order is on some channel at almost any time of day and there are actually still episodes you’ve never seen. You start watching The View...

... Bodhi ... or Big Bad Bodhi ... or Buddha ... or Bo-Dee-Oh-Dee-Oh ... or Bo Diddley ... or Bo-Delicious ... but I won't come when I'm sleeping ... or meditating ... and sometimes you won't be able to call me anything at all because you'll be laughing too hard!

Photo Source: http://bahava.wordpress.com/2008/04/03/loving-on-the-driscoll-sermons/   Two applications a week. That’s all that is required to receive unemployment. Never mind that it’s only a few hundred a week. It’s all the income you have right now. You search the newspaper, the internet, and corporate websites for jobs. You even check the student job board of your alma mater – though it’s been years since you graduated. You send out a couple of resumes for jobs you don’t even really want. You find a job that is perfect for you and you are surprised at how excited you feel about the opportunity. You shine up the resume, write a killer cover letter and prepare your answers to likely interview questions. You mentally inventory your wardrobe and plan what you will wear to work at your fabulous new job. You polish your interview shoes. You get a haircut. You don’t get the job though, because despite all of the aforementioned you never bothered to send the ...

Photo Source: www.myhumbleopinion.org/ Finally I accepted that I had to get up. After all, I’ve always been a survivor, right? It’s what is expected of me. What kind of parent abandons their kid to fend for himself and answer all the phone calls and pretend it’s all okay? How many times could he claim I was in the shower? How many times could I tell him I was okay when he could clearly see I wasn’t? It was a great farce we were playing out within the walls of our home that week. So I got up. I showered. I ate some soup and promptly threw it back up. I showered again and slept on the couch that night. Eventually the soup stayed down and with the help of some supportive friends I was able to begin to function again. I filed for unemployment. I deposited my last paycheck and paid what bills I could. I bumped up all my routine doctor’s appointments to beat the cancellation date of my insurance. I filled all of my prescriptions. I updated my resume and then updated it again. I bega...

Photo Source: http://www.jibberjobber.com/blog/2006/11/10/dont-write-for-my-carnivals/ Your boss asks you to come up to her office and you know it’s not good because in the eight years you’ ve worked there you could barely get her to even answer an e-mail, much less grant you a meeting. When you arrive you instinctively close the door. You note that the witness she has chosen is a woman whom you’ ve considered a sort workplace mother figure - onewhose shoulder you’ ve cried on many times. Even though you know there has to be a witness you wish it wasn ’t her. As you hear the news the tears begin to flow – silently, but humiliating nonetheless. Your boss is saying something about how hard the decision was and how it breaks her heart, and the snarky voice inside you laughs at the charade. Your co-worker/witness offers a hug and you shrink back. “Don’t you get it,” you want to scream, “You are the enemy in this scenario.” You let her hug you anyway. You know they are just follo...