Yellow Dog/Bleeding Heart

Life's been keeping me busy. It's almost Christmas and my brain is still stuck somewhere back around November 3rd. Seriously. But, since I promised Muller a picture here's a quick post. Zombie Morning: Pre makeup or hair "biggening." Just sleepy nearsighted me. Full on Zombie: You can't see my Bride of Frankenstein forehead beehive, or my yellow/green decayed fake teeth, but trust me. They were there. As were ornate Mexican silver earrings that were severely tarnished to an almost black. Damn I do good rotting flesh! I was an awesome Zombie! I still can't believe I got beat out by a friggin' clown. Sigh.

First, I have a public service announcement which apparently a LOT of the public needs to hear: You cannot sue someone simply because you were inconvenienced. Did everyone hear that? I do not care what you saw on Law and Order, what you read in a John Grisham novel, or what the Republicans want you to believe. You cannot do it. If you could, I would have sued Walgreen’s, the public school system, my paperboy and the cable company – and that is just so far this morning! Second, Tort Reform is NOT a good thing people! Frivolous lawsuits simply do not occur to the degree some would like you to believe. In fact, many so called frivolous lawsuits are actually myths created by the media. And I swear, if any one of you cites the McDonald’s coffee lady as the uber example of how out-of-hand it has all become, I will….well, let us just say you will probably want to sue me for what I will do to you. Currently running in my city there is a campaign commercial for a Republican Candidate for Sena...

Never send a shop-a- holic to the mall to pick up one single $5 item. It will take hours. They will spend lots of your money. You will be left amusing their baby for hours. At least this is what happened to me last night. Little Dog wanted to go to the game store in the mall. Since I generally eschew the mall in favour of my neighborhood free-standing Gap (which has everything I could possibly need) he asked Bojo to take him. It seemed like a great plan, since she was coming over for pizza anyway. I even agreed to let Furry stay with me while they ran by the mall and then picked up the pizza. I also asked Bojo if she would pop into the Halloween store and pick up a bottle of Zombie Rot for me. To make a long story short, they returned 4 hours later. Four hours during which I fed, bathed, played with, sang to and endlessly rocked Furry. Now, even though Furry is currently the sweetest toddler in the world, it is still exhausting to watch him. I mean, he requires constant supervisio...

Well, I just completed another nine hours towards my latest degree pursuit! Woo hoo ! It’s my birthday! It’s my birthday! No, really. It is my birthday, or at least it was a couple of days ago. My 42 nd passed without much ado. Little Dog got me the old school Pac Man game for Gameboy , so I spent my birthday night trying to play it. Turns out, I suck. I am an embarrassment to my game genius son, who has been the go-to guy for video gaming strategy since he was about 7. In other news, I finally had my follow up mammogram. I had to put a funky zipper looking sticker on the scar from the last surgery, but alas, no nipple BBs. ( Holla Muller!) Best part? I remain cancer free! My sister is also cancer free! Not that there was ever any doubt in anyone’s mind. My dear hypochondriac sis had convinced herself, in her own mind, that she did, indeed have cancer. Why, you ask? Simply because the tech made an innocuous comment about an odd spot on her x-ray. You absolutely positively cannot d...

Can I just tell you a few of the things I would rather be doing than writing the three final papers I have due? First: I'd rather be uploading all my CDs to itunes and burning incredible mixes. Second: I'd rather be harassing Little Dog some more to continue the theme I started on the drive home from school today where I kept playing Dolly Parton's " Love is Like a Butterfly " repeatedly AND SINGING ALONG in my very best loud Karaoke voice. But since I've caught him twice already humming the chorus I think my work for the night is done there. Heh heh . I'd also rather be editing a stack of poems that has been sitting on my desk since school started. I'd really rather be laying on the couch daydreaming my current ongoing fantasy in which Brendan Fraser plays my beloved husband. Come on, You know you have to admit he was cute in Blast From the Past . Then, he really brought the cool in his role as Jordan's brother on Scrubs . ( FWIW in the abov...

My feelings for designer shoes run pretty close to my feelings for Hummers. That is, why on earth does anyone want to spend that kind of money on an item that's primary purpose is it's functionality? Shoes are nothing more than protection for your feet - warm in winter, off the burning pavement in summer. That, and protecting you soles from being impaled by sharp objects is the entire job of your footwear. Oh, but "looking good is their job too!" you say? All I can say is that for a girl, I am pretty guy- ish about my footwear. I don't wear cheaply made shoes and I don't wear uncomfortable shoes. That pretty much sums up my shoe criteria. Oh yeah, I also don't like much colour in my footwear. Pretty much, a good pair of black and a decent pair of brown can complete my shoe wardrobe requirements. Throw in a cool pair of kicks for spontaneous sports-like activity (should I ever decide to indulge in such a thing) and a fantastic pair of riding boots and I am...

When it comes to schoolwork I have always been a major procrastinator, but last week I did something I have never before done. I asked for extensions on three papers. Now this bothers me a lot because now I am not only procrastinating, but I'm procrastinating with a deficit. So I cleared last night's schedule and planned on catching up. Here's how the night went: 6:18 Arrive home from work. 6:31 Little Dog specifically requests homemade potato soup for dinner. Tell him I have mucho school work to do and suggest that he make himself nachos or a sandwich. He reminds me that is what he has done for the past two days and ups his soup request to fajitas. I glance at his skinny torso and mother guilt sets in, so I give in before he ups the ante to an actual meat and potatoes meal. 6:35 Peel potatoes and dice onions in the kitchen while listening to NPR. 6:50 Put the potatoes on to boil and head upstairs to take a shower, pausing first to load the dryer and start the washer. Op...

Apparently if you have enough money you are allowed to be batshit crazy. ( Like this! ) You can be a proponent for the drinking of blood and then get appointed as a UN ambassador – which then gives you a kind of “Gold Card” status when shopping for cute foreign babies. You can jump on The Oprah’s couch and shoot lasers out of your hands. You can claim parentage to the toupee wearing Asian adopted baby of a fellow actor and even give it a dumbshit name You can also creep around in Spiderman masks and cover your kids with blankets – hell, you can even name them "Blanket" and dangle them from balconies. You can host your own television show, go to jail for committing a felony and still be America’s idea of a perfect hostess But if you want to divorce a man who is addicted to coke and whoring around and who smacked you when you pointed out this was not good behaviour…well, then you need mandatory counseling to end the marriage. If you choose not to continue a pregnancy when you’...

I recently ran into an friend from college. We had engaged in many hearty political debates back in the days of Sysops and bulletin boards. I was always the go-to girl when it came to interpreting the current polls. He asked about my net presence these days and I directed him to this site. A few days later I got an e-mail from him in which he accused me of losing my mind - literally . He says my mind is gone. He accused me of contributing nothing but "fluff" and "musings on banality." Uh.. Okay, I have not held myself out as a political expert since the 2000 election. Why? I. Got. Busy. Yes, that is right, busy. The more mobile and social Little Dog became the less time I had. And let me tell you people: Being politically informed takes A LOT of time. I no longer have the time to be outraged. Or even to be idealistic. I barely have time to keep the laundry done - much less keep up a laundry list of activities on The Hill. I no longer have any idea what bills are in ...

What was I thinking going back to school? Was being a single mom with a full time job and a part time business not enough? Am I a masochist? I really have given up on the whole law school idea. I have accepted that, it 42, it is a little late for a law career. So what? Do I need a Master’s degree? Was my claim to fame as an English major not good enough for me? Apparently not, because after over a decade out of the classroom I have enrolled in 15 hours this semester. This all started when one of our summer clerks asked me what my degree was in. After I explained that my Major was English Literature, my Minor was Sociology and that I also pursued a certificate in “Women’s Studies” it hit me. I had majored in “hippie.” Yup, not a marketable tool in the whole mix there, but I was great at organizing a protest and I can write a kick ass letter. Do npt get me wrong. I am proud of my background in literature and I worked hard in that program. I just recognize the marketplace worth of an Engl...

So I am becoming obsessed with the traffic cams appearing on top of stop lights all over my city. Really obsessed . They actually kind of freak me out. I keep expecting to find wads of pink tickets in my mailbox. See, I have this habit of running lights. Because of these cameras, I have become aware of how often I do this. Now, each time I have to wonder, “Was that appropriate? Did it change after I entered the intersection? Did I get by with it?!” It is the not knowing that kills me I am also becoming obsessed with the Tom Cruise baby theories being floated around. I have no real vested interest in the parentage of baby Suri , but I am riveted nonetheless. I just love it when a good conspiracy theory is presented. And you have to agree, Tom Cruise is one freaky mo' fo '. Mail. People, it is an incredible thing to place a piece of paper in an envelope, write few words on the front and have it magically be PHYSICALLY delivered into the hands if its intended recipient. This magic...

"Mom, I need a cell phone?" "Do you have a thriving medical practice I am unaware of?" "What are you talking about? No." "Well, I just wondered if you "needed" this cell phone because your patients were complaining they couldn't reach you." "Mom," eye roll, "Be serious." "I am being quite serious. You're thirteen. Why on earth do you "need" a cell phone?" "What if you need to get a hold of me?" "Considering that 50% of the time you are WITH ME, 25% of the time you are in school and the other 25% of the time you are asleep I don't foresee a problem." "But what if I am at a friend's and they don't have a phone?" "You have friends in third world countries?!" "Mom! You're not being fair!" "You're right. I'm sorry." "So you're gonna get me a cell phone?" "No, I'm sorry to have raised you ...

Words are worth exactly the thought and the sentiment put into them. I’m not sure if it is because I was an English Major or because etymology is my hobby or even because I think the art of rhetoric is fascinating. I am just not hung up on the individual words themselves. I generally say exactly what I mean and mean exactly what I say. It’s all about context. This is why Chris Rock can call Kanye West a " niggah " but George Bush can't. This is also why I have never had a problem with Little Dog using words which many (or most) consider to be inappropriate. He can say shit, damn, piss, and even fuck. I truly do not care. I do, however, care about words and phrases like: “Shut up!” or “Hate” or “Retarded.” I mean, words can hurt, and the damage can extend further than to just the person you are saying them to. Using certain words can perpetuate stereotypes; dissuade compassion and even waste energy. Have you ever though of the energy it takes to “hate?” Yup. Hate is a mig...

Dear Candidates, If part of your active campaigning involves strategically placing your yard signs every three feet along the median/embankment/easement etc... Please remember to collect said yard signs after the vote is over. Because, even if you won this time, I guarantee I will never ever give you my vote again, should you choose to run, if you leave that crap out there for someone else to clean up. Sincerely, A Tree Hugger Gads! These signs are everywhere! Huge groupings of them! I kind of want to start collecting them all and then dump them in the yards or office lobbies of said candidate. True annoyance here. Also, note to any protesters out there: Please make your cause (and any alternatives) clearly obvious. Otherwise, you are just out there illustrating an exercise in futility. I take protesting seriously. I think in this day and age it is a lost art. I also think it should be reclaimed as a viable means of opining. Too many people think they can sign and circulate an on-line...

I do not know what is up with me lately. I have been riding the emotional roller coaster like a fat bearded guy on a Harley. Or something. Maybe I am just sick of people. Like the guy who bought his 16 year old daughter a Hummer because he wanted her to be safe when she drives. What the fuck?! That is like buying her a shotgun so she will be "safe" about sex. If the little brat cannot be trusted in a car then DO NOT LET HER DRIVE. For gawd's sake do not put her on the road in what amounts to a weapon so she can hone her driving skills around nice innocent people in sensible cars. And while I am on the subject: If you are bitching about high gas prices and you drive an SUV... SHUT THE FUCK UP! You chose to drive that gas guzzling unnecessary monstrosity and I have no sympathy Also, lose the attitudes people. In the grand scheme of things we have such a short time here on earth why waste it in an endless pursuit of newer/bigger/better/more? I like my life, for the most p...

I like Elvis as much as the next guy - maybe even more. I think he was handsome, had a beautiful voice and some rockin ' moves. I agree that he was a legend. People, let me tell you, there are some die hard Elvis fans out there . Enough of them to create a multi billion dollar industry of kitsch - the Mecca of which lies at 3765 Elvis Presley Boulevard in Memphis, Tennessee. It all begins at the ticket office, which is located in a huge plaza across from Graceland Mansion, which is just down the street from The Heartbreak Hotel , which is just around the corner from the Graceland RV Park , which is behind the Graceland Outle t Store , which is down the street from the Lisa Marie... You get the picture. At first glance, after hopping off the Sun Studios shuttle, the line didn't seem that long. And it wasn't, except for the fact that the line we were looking at was the line to get into the building to get to the line for the ticket counter. After 30 minutes in line t...

There had always been a part of me that felt like something was missing. I mean, I was 42 years old and I had NEVER been to Graceland . That is practically un -American! So, with that in mind, Furry's mom, Bojo , and I decided to take the kids to Memphis. ROADTRIIIIIP !!!!! 2 hip mammas trekkin ' to the Rockabilly holy land with their boys... SQUEEE ! My adrenaline was flowing just thinking about it. We would spend the entire fourth of July weekend (4 days) in the city that birthed rock-n-roll. I planned the itinerary and Bojo was in charge of the hotel and car. On the morning we were to leave she pulled up in a rented minivan. Uh... If you know me at all you know I am not a minivan kind of gal. I knew a convertible was out of the question and I had immediately nixed the idea of an SUV ( Grrrr ....) I even took her seriously when she suggested an RV (Graceland RV park? Helloooo !) But no, she got a minivan. I was going to make my rock-n-roll pilgrimage in a minivan?! Cou...

Sunday I worked all day in the yard and was hosing everything down when a beautiful banded pigeon waddled up to assess my work. He seemed quite friendly and not at all afraid. Eventually I had him eating birdseed from my hand and posing while I did an impromptu pigeon photo shoot. The sun went down and I scattered some birdseed, soaked everything with water and went to bed. The next morning as I pulled out of the garage I noticed the pigeon strutting around the garden. Some of the mulch was scattered, indicating he had bedded down there the night before. He was still there when I got home from work. At this point I was concerned about this little pigeon I had come to think of as Bucky. The bands indicated he belonged to someone who surely must be missing him. So, the next day at work I contacted a friend who works for a local aviation research facility. From her I was referred to a Falconer at the center who referred me to the State Wildlife Association who referred me to the area Game...

I can not stand it anymore. I simply MUST rant about MySpace . If you are a fan of that site you might want to just skip this. I am freaking sick of MySpace . All the young Runners and Clerks at the firm have a MySpace account . Many of Little Dog's friends have one. Lots of otherwise sane and mature people have one. "It's a great networking tool!" (I can assure you that no corporation is going to recruit a major executive based on his or her MySpace profile.) "It's a great way to meet people!" (So is showering and actually going out into the world.) "I have a lot of 'friends' on MySpace !" (No, you do not. Friends are made through shared experiences, not via glitter messages.) People, let me tell you. They LIE on MySpace . Never has it been so easy to lie to so many people. Photoshop allows you to be thinner or blonder or to have a bigger chest. The keyboard allows one to endow themselves with any virtue; any job title; any geograp...

Why on earth have we let children become fashion accessories?! Angelina’s c-section scar is probably not even all scabbed over and already she is talking about how “they” are trying to decide what race and nationality “their” next child will be. (By “they” I guess she means Brad Pitt and the other kids, though I disagree that minors should have a full vote in their parents’ decision to reproduce.) Give me a freaking break. Oh sure, she is Miss United Nations now and all about the children. Whatever. Newsflash Angelina: Babies are neither puppets, nor dolls, and they most certainly shouldn’t be shopped for. I do not care how loving you are or how much money you have or how politically correct you profess to be. You still should NOT be allowed to purchase children. This is exactly what she is doing. Show me any average American single woman who would be approved to adopt an infant in 2001; then again in 2005; then, after giving birth in 2006, be approved yet again for an international a...

I have been missing my mom a lot lately. She was always able to make everything better. All I ever had to do was call and tell her I needed her and she would be right there. Usually, her first solution to any ailment, be it the fever or flu; grief or exhaustion; was to “go lay down.” What was great about this was that while you slept she whipped your daily life back into shape. She did the dishes. She folded the laundry. (The woman could fold anything you gave her into a perfect 10 X 10 square - e ven f itted sheets !) She would also clean out your fridge and organize your pantry - whether it needed it or not - all before bathing and feeding the kids. Then, most importantly, she made you a grilled cheese sandwich. Yup. Good old fashioned grilled cheese. Wheat bread and cheddar. Generously buttered and perfectly grilled to a nice even tan. To this day I have never had a grilled cheese that came even close to comparing to my mom’s. I think it was really all about just letting someone ...